Sex and Relationships
For all that I'm about the whole "sex doesn't equal love" thing, I'd never actually had "just sex" before last night. I'd always wanted some sort of relationship from it. The past two nights, though, I've brought someone home, handcuffed her, fucked her senseless till we both had a hard time standing, and then taken her home. And wow, that was some of the best sex I've ever had. I now understand why the bdsm afficionados enjoy themselves so much, and I'm only touching the tip of that iceberg.
I think I've been way too reluctant to push someone, sexually, if I'm actually interested in a long-term relationship with them. Even if they want me to. Even if they've asked me to. It's terrible, but I think I'm much less interesting in bed with people that I pursue relationships with. I've had the whole "respect the woman" thing drilled into my head to the point of absurdity, so if I sense any sort of resistance -- and sometimes it's only in my own head -- I'm likely to never bring it up again. And yes, just sit frustrated, and possibly look around for getting it elsewhere, irked at my partner for my own issues. I'm stupid that way, sometimes.
I've had sex with a few of my previous girlfriends after breaking up with them, and it was always much more interesting an experience after the relationship ended. When I wasn't scared of hurting them emotionally (because I thought them less likely to be hurt, not because I no longer cared), I was able to get past my hangups, and just play around instead of being so serious. It's like I was 18 again -- I learned more about sex in those few rolls than in the dozens (hundreds?) of times I've had sex inside the limits of a Relationship. It seems that if the explicit purpose of the meeting is for carnal pleasure alone, I don't have any weird hangups, and have tremendous fun. So does she, apparently.
Oh yeah, in case anyone missed the memo: I'm single now. For a couple weeks at this point. Trisha and I parted ways on good terms, we're still friends, and still enjoy each others' company. We just both think that being a couple was a bad idea for the both of us, so we stopped. After three years, and with little to no drama. I'm actually a bit surprised, human nature being what it is, but hell -- I'm not complaining. Things were slightly awkward for the first few days, as she basically moved out of my house, but even that seems to have passed already. I hold very few regrets regarding that relationship, and still hold her and her opinions with much respect.
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zanfur) wrote,
